My Journey to New Mexico – and what a magical journey it was.
Let’s start at the beginning- WHY on earth New Mexico?!
Last year (2016) I completed my two weeks intensive training in ‘Classical Shamanism’, learning how to use my immense energy to heal, help and do good for others and mother earth.
Shortly after, in a rather very spontaneous manner (mouse click at 3am after a party), I had signed up for the one week long ‘Laughing Body: the Art of Care’ course hosted by Clown One Italia, Clown One Japan, Patch Adams MD, and the Gesundheit! Institute in Hillsboro, West Virginia.
I had never been to the USA before and so I used this opportunity to also fulfill a childhood dream of mine – visiting New York City. I had the best time in my life! (Read more here)
In the USA I felt free and for the first time in my life (I know right?!) I was fully accepted as I am, with all me being loud, slightly clingy and my massive energy ball.
Back in London I struggled, I struggled, I struggled so so much. I was bouncing up the walls, crawling up the walls and running against walls. It literally felt like a big bird put into a tiny cage with his wings cut.
The main reason for doing the Patch Adam’s course was to gain more skills in order to boost my business – ‘The Magic Mad Hat’. Introducing a new approach, hosting various workshops and therefore bringing more laughter and joy to the wider community.
Eagerly I organized workshops for the months to come and sadly ended up cancelling most of them due to lack of interest.
As some might know I also earn an income through leaflet distribution. Usually it can be quite fun. I chat to the people on the street, give them compliments, make them smile and most of them are happy to receive a leaflet.
Well, almost no-one wanted a flyer; people just ignored me, almost run into or over me or looked down on me. It was like I was not there, I did not exist, and those who actually noticed me pitied me. In addition, it utterly started to irrigate me to hear a teenager’s squeaky voice saying: ’No thank you…(laugh)’.
To top it up, I started to have serious discussions with some security officers, who would send me away from places I had never been sent away before. I got stroppy and started to engage security guys in discussions about the senseless excuse they gave me – ‘Health & Safety’ – to get me off the ‘private’ property – well good news – every security guy agreed that it’s all about control, and there is no ‘health & safety’ issue. But they all had to do their job in order to pay their mortgage (modern slaves).
For the first time in 13 years living in London I felt that my time in London is coming to an end. I did not want to be part of this rat race anymore. People more and more appear to be non – human, the capitalistic culture without any profound values, lot’s of fear, anger, ignorance, alcohol, stress, emptiness, grey faces, same ‘uniforms’, cameras, noise, Brexit & Theresa May – all overshadowed by a grey cloud of pollution.
Nevertheless, more and more people asked me for a shamanic healing. Native American spirits joined me, guided me or just drummed with me during most every healing work.
When the peaceful protests at Standing Rock (Oil pipeline through sacred land) started, I wanted to help somehow. So I connected with my drum and voice while sending peace, love and good energy. It seems we were connected; it seemed I almost was at Standing Rock myself – I felt such a strong connection to the land, to its Native people and also to the young Americans who were fighting for their future, for what is right.
Realizing, that in the end of the day, I create my environment, meaning if I am angry I will receive anger back, I started to work on my anger.
With almost daily ‘Yoga with Adrienne’, Kundalini Yoga exercises (recommend by my friend Gabi) as well as an Ayunveda diet, I started to deal with my anger, anxiety, nervousness and self-created frustration. I came to terms that, right now is not the moment to jump into a plane back to the USA fighting with Standing Rock. After all it was October/ November and temperatures were falling drastically.
During this period I also kept in touch with Paul (more due to my persistence), whom I had met at the Patch Adams course. He moved to New Mexico and once told me, that I would love New Mexico as it is called ‘The land of enchantment not for no reason’.
I became very curious about New Mexico. Where was it, what’s there, who is there, what is its climate and are there any Native Americans? Is there a way for me to deepen my shamanic experience, to learn more – maybe even from the Native Americans themselves?!
Uhhuuuuu – so I had this super strong feeling- it felt like a calling but only £200 in savings.
I just knew I had to go deeper within shamanism and wanted to learn the Native American way. When I started to search the internet for a teacher in New Mexico, the first responses from people on the internet were: ‘Non white person will be able to get in touch with the Natives – how dare you- don’t tell them you’re a shaman. Stay in the UK…’ Negative, Negative, negative- and my ‘calling’ getting stronger and more demanding – almost pulling. I felt (no word of a lie) the Native American medicine man spirit in my home while my voice would change more and more while drumming and singing.
And then one day at around end of December I saw a little publication of ongoing coaching and learning with Michele ‘Ama Wehali’.
I sent her an e-mail and couple of days later we had a chat via Skype. I honestly felt very humble in her present, not really being able to explain why I want to go to New Mexico, but knowing that my feeling was so strong, that I didn’t see another way than going to New Mexico to connect to the land and to meet her. It was around mid January and she asked me: ‘so when were you thinking of coming?’ – ‘I can come end of March, but I don’t know how to get the money…’. ‘Manifest, align the energy…’. ‘Sure – ok I am coming!’ Michele smiled, Skype off and I sat in my chair thinking – YEAHH!!I am going to New Mexico to deepen my shamanic skills and I am going for a month (after all I am already there) – Yeah I have no money!
Tax return money – reasonable amount of money coming in, but need to cover some of my debts
Very little savings (£150)
Credit cards – (0% balance transfer).
I needed far more money and had one and a half months time – Go and Fund me. – It was the only option and I had to give a shot.
And the moment I had opened my fundraising account – my childhood friends Christoph & Julia (thank you guys) from Austria donated a larger amount in order to ‘get the ball’ rolling. – This was for me the final confirmation that I simple had to go now! By the departure day I had raised slightly over£700.00 – I am so so so grateful to everyone who donated to my cause. Thank you.
Yoga and meditation became part of my daily routine, focusing on clearing any negative thoughts and on trusting the strong feeling I had.
Then one day an ‘acquaintance’ (I asked her for donation) sent me an e-mails warning me about the dangers for woman of travelling through New Mexico as it was well known of having the highest rape rate in the entire US.
Further she claimed that the Native American would not even look at white people as ‘they’ don’t mix.
At that point, I had already booked the flight, the Airbnb in Santa Fe (Michele is in Santa Fe, so I started my journey in Santa Fe), Travel Insurance and ESTA.
I knew this person from West Virginia, and she had some unpleasant time in New Mexico. It turned out later that all her ‘misfortune’ really was down to her. I refused to read the email, deleted it to get rid of the negative energy and blocked her.
But I also had my first strong doubt in form of a panic attack. For about 20 min or so, I totally freaked out, thinking I am spending all this money, just to get killed & raped.
But then I decided against it – I breathed through it, did certain meditations 2-3 times a day, more and more yoga, deep breathing and TRUSTING the feeling of my heart.
I knew there was no way back, I needed to go and I have to overcome my fear.
The moment I had decided to go to New Mexico, my leaflet distribution work became smooth and funnier, as people were taking the flyer from my hands with a smile.
Life was moving absolutely right in every direction.
One evening I had some dinner with my dear friend Bernhard, who was born in Graz like myself, but whom I only had first met in London a couple of years ago. Our families brought us together and Bernhard had not only become a very dear friend but also my only real soul connection to Austria.
I had left Austria due to various reasons over 20 years ago and he presented the beauty of Austria, its traditions and customs, as well as its nature, who I had almost forgotten.
I also admired Bernhard’s vast knowledge of so many different subjects, especially herbs, teas and healing plants.
We both never had a lot of money but shared our resources as much as we could. With Bernhard always came William a Black Russian Terrier. William is such a big but so mellow dog that even my cat felt comfortable to get closer to him.
My flight was booked for Thursday, 23rd of March until Tuesday 24th of April.
And Bernhard had booked an operation to fix a hernia on Friday 17th of April.
Bernhard had a couple of gastrointestinal operations before so it was a high risk operation as the tissue was already weakened.
At about 9.05pm on Sunday the 19th of April, time, space, and existence itself stopped.
A phone call so surreal, unbelievable and so incredible sad. “Are you sitting down?” – “Don’t worry, I am a strong woman – I can handle lots”. “I regret to inform you, that Bernhard Nobis has passed away. His heart gave up in surgery twice and the third time he didn’t come back anymore. Can you please pass by the hospital?”
Live life to the fullest! Stop complaining and worrying! Don’t fear – live life to the fullest! Every day, every moment – live to the fullest possible – as Life might be over in a second!
Now there was no doubt that I had to go to New Mexico.
On my departure day, just minutes before I was due to leave my house my friend informed me, that I was only able to stay 4-5 nights at his place in Taos instead of the previously thought 18days.
I simple didn’t have the money to rent any accommodation, so I was kind of hoping to be able to stay with him for free, obviously contributing in many other helpful ways.
So instead of panicking, as it was already 10 min before my taxi to the airport was due to arrive, I simple and quick signed up with Wwoofer USA.
Thinking back – it was the perfect option, it was like meant to be this way.
On the 23rd of March I boarded my flight Santa Fe, via Washington and Denver. I had the whole row for myself on the plane -as I needed to catch up with some urgent sleep, I felt blessed and grateful to be able to stretch out on the almost 18hr flight to Santa Fe.
Santa Fe is the capital of New Mexico and is located at 7,199 feet (2,194 m) above sea level.
Just to compare:
London: 722 feet – 220 metres
Graz: 1190 feet – 363 metres
Santa Fe has a dry steppe climate, which I never had experienced before. When I landed, it was winterly cold with some snow on the ground.
The arrival started very well as I got to share a taxi with a handsome (all about the eye candy), married Portuguese guy, who came to New Mexico for skiing. My luck was that he paid most of the taxi fare.
I had booked a lovely Airbnb with a lady called Jane, her daughter Jenna, her dog Saphira and her cat Pluto. When I finally arrived, Jenna welcomed me openly and quick showed me around the house.
The first day in Santa Fe, I was working out where to shop food and how to get into town. In the USA everyone drives, so public transport is a bit difficult to take. Luckily, I had a bus stop just around the corner of the house I was living in. And a bus would go every 30min.
On my way to the organic – yes it is important to eat only organic food in the USA as there no laws to label GMO, or other chemical content – grocery store, people on the street would greet me.
I also paid attention (as instructed by Michele) what animals would pass my path, what bird would appear and what other signs maybe were given to me.
From day one I had ravens following me all the way, the American Robin joined in, some Wood Pigeons would make sure I see them as well as random dogs would come up asking for some attention.
The first evening I spent chatting with my host Jane, who is an herbalist as well as shamanic practitioner. That I would end up in a household, where you could openly talk about the spirit world, shamanism and the momentary shift without being judged or looked at funnily was not only liberating but also so confirming that I was on the right path.
On Saturday morning I took the bus to Central Santa Fe. The bus driver greeted me politely and so did all the passengers on the bus. The ride was joyful, seeing a bit more of the surroundings, the vast land, the desert and the bright sun. The air was dry, very dry, so I had nose bleeding, as well as I struggled a bit with my breathing.
In Santa Fe, I explored the town, going into Native American Art shop, getting a feel of its people, the mountains and the general vibe. The sun was full blast, the temperature lukewarm and the air dry but fresh.
During my walk-about I fancied a cigarette. So I asked an elderly hippie man if I could have one of his roll-ups. My question then turned into a long conversation with this gentleman called George. He told me about the hard ship the USA people have to endure, the lack of work, the poisonous food as well as the joy and beauty of living in New Mexico.
He also pointed out, that I should try and attend a Native American Church ceremony while I am in Taos. Again, I was able to talk openly about my spiritual journey ahead, but didn’t think much about the possibility to attend a Native American Church ceremony – after all, I am a white foreign girl, and apparently the Natives keep themselves to themselves.
After my lovely conversation with George I walked a bit more around town and found $15 on the street – which I used for a delightful Mexican dinner at the local café.
Back at my Airbnb, I started to research Wwoofer places in Taos.
Sunday I went back to Santa Fe with my drum. Santa Fe has a little hill, so I went up and played the drum. Then I headed back home, prepared dinner, chatted lots with Jane and Jenna. Also sending e-mails to possible Wwoofer hosts in Taos. I needed a place for at least 14 days. Many places were not available yet, as it still was snowing, so it wasn’t possible to do any farming work. However, two hosts had offered me a Wwoofer place – one was a gay couple somewhere in the middle of nowhere and the other option was the Goji Farm in Taos. The Goji farm required you to be there at least for 2 weeks, working Monday-Friday mornings and weekends off.
At that moment in time, I somehow already had a feeling that I want to leave London in order to live closer to nature- creating a simple life while growing my own food and being closer to my mum. So I wanted to see if farm work would really be for me- one thing is to have a little vegetable pad in my London garden – another thing is to actually grow in order to live of it.
Monday morning arrived – my first session with Michele.
I was booked for 2pm and had to get two buses to get to her place. On the map it all looked straight forward. I didn’t buy an American SIM card, so I had no 3/4G, no GPS and no map.
The bus stop was a 20 min walk away from her house. I was far too early, so I went into the park nearby where I had encountered some sacred shapes on the ground. I sat down on a rock nearby, drumming and singing.
Then it was time to go to Michele’s house, but I ended up walking into the wrong direction. I asked some people on the way that sent me back, but I still was ‘lost’. Slightly nervous (Remember, no GPS, no map) I asked a guy at the parking lot if he might be able to give me some directions. He pulled out a map and offered me a ride. First few seconds (after all I was told NM is the state with the highest rape rate) I was reluctant, but I needed to be on time so I took on his offer. Turns out he was a very polite Mexican gentleman taking me as far as he could. About 10 minutes late, and after asking two more people for the directions, I finally arrived at Michele’s. The sun burning, sweating and slightly stressed out, struggling to keep up with my breath.
Michele’s presence made it all go away in a second. Her welcoming warm energy guided me into her space. I have arrived – I am, where I am meant to be – I am safe, I am guided and I am protected.
We were working with the Tree of Life and Medicine Wheel in her yard as well as did some shamanic journeying to see what was needed to work with my intentions to open up to my higher calling. My intentions were to find my purpose and my place in this world at this time in my life as well as to deepen my shamanic skills and experience.
For the last six month, I had this very strong feeling, that my time in London is over – but where to go?
So when we did the journey it showed up very clear to me and Michele that my place would be in Austria working with healing plants. It would be somewhere I had never been before, somewhere completely new. When this revelation unfolded itself, my heart was bouncing for joy – yes it is what I would love to do, yes it feels right to go back to Austria, YES!
While I was sitting across from Michele, I felt humbled in her presence. Her energy field so powerful, so knowledgeable, so wise, so experienced, so old and yet so young. In that moment I knew that I know nothing, that I still have a long way ahead of me, that I need to learn, do and be more in order to become the healer I am meant to be.
Michele however, in her fullest kindness, reassured me, that the path of a healer is a never stopping learning path, that there is no end to the rabbit hole. I have done the first major step- have followed my calling, listened to the spirits and surrendered to their guidance.
I mentioned that it seems I should attend a Native American Church ceremony and she said one needs to be called to be able to attend. But I should ask if anyone might hold a ceremony at the Taos Pueblo.
Also I should pay close attention to the animals as well as to my dreams. I met various birds but most significant were the Ravens, following me all the way, clearing out the blockages. One night I had this intensive dream – in my dream I was told three words. I was literally woken up by spirits so I would write down these words:
Osha Ohr Sat
Osha: Osha, or Ligusticum porteri, (also called bear root) is an important perennial herb that inhabits the dry, upland meadows and ravines of the Rocky Mountain. The beneficial part of the osha plant is the root, which has long been used and considered sacred by Native Americans for cold, cough, and other respiratory ailments. The root contains oils, including camphor, saponins, ferulic acid, terpenes, and phytosterols. Because of the range of mechanisms it has, osha root is, arguably, the best American herb for lung and throat problems.
Ohr: Ohr (“Light” Hebrew: אור; plural: Ohros/Ohrot “Lights” Hebrew: אורות) is a central Kabbalistic term in the Jewish mystical tradition. The analogy of physical light is used as a way of describing metaphysical Divine emanations.
Sat: Om Tat Sat is a mantra in Sanskrit which means these are ‘the three words of the three forms of god’ – Sat means the third Guptt, Name of God.
I told Jane about it and she got me some Osha tincture from her shop. The taste is weird, but my breathing improved almost immediately opening up my lungs (having been a smoker for so long).
There was, of course, a deeper meaning and purpose in these three words, which I would discover later in my journey.
Michele and I met two more times. We cleared the ancestor’s path and I received a past life healing, helping me to make peace with my tribe, with myself and my surrounding. At the final session we asked the spirits to guide me throughout my next steps of my journey, protecting me all the way to Taos and back. Michele also asked me to stay humble, kind and to honor the powerful spirit of the Taos Mountain.
I was not sure what will come, but I made sure to stay open, aware and listen to the voices of nature.
Michele gave me her blessing, we booked another meeting for my return and on my way back home I played the drum to thank.
In the meantime, I had received a reply from Eric from the Goji farm, welcoming me to join the team of Wwoofers on his farm. I needed to get a sleeping back and went to Wal-Mart. An experience in it self. Did you know that an employee at Wal-Mart could lose his job if he gives a stranger a cigarette?! YEAP – the land of free…
On Monday morning Jenna gave me a ride to Hertz, where I picked up my car. I expected a little car but they had just a free upgrade and I was given a lovely big limo with GPS and Bluetooth.
The first minutes I didn’t really know what to do but the moment I was on the road I was the queen of the road. The drive from Santa Fe to Tao is just mind-blowing – nice big road with lots of amazingly wide landscape to watch. There you pass by the dessert, the mountains and the gorge.
I arrived at the farm in the late afternoon, was kindly welcomed by Eric & Elisabeth, a couple in their 70’s owning the farm. Eric’s parents were German, so he was determent to train his German with me- and he is pretty good. Aaron, Ali and their dog Bella also welcomed my, showed me around and helped me to settle in. Aaron & Ali are managing the cottages around the farm, which can be rented for holidays and which are the main income of the farm.
The first night, however, I had spent at my friend Paul’s place and was super happy to see him again. On my way to his house, I passed two youngsters shooting randomly around, while smiling & waving at me. A short reminder that I this is the real Wild Wild West and people are legally allowed to have guns.
During the night it was snowing and in the morning I seriously struggled to drive on the dirt road in these winter conditions. In that moment some wild rabbit turned up – We can learn from the rabbit that if we are always afraid of something then we may draw/create the very experience we are afraid of in to our lives. Fear sends out a certain vibrational energy that may attract the very thing we fear.
So instead of letting fear getting to me I assured myself that I will get out there safe – and sure enough my car managed to slide & slip through the dirt road.
I arrived just in time for breakfast (8am) which was delightful with fresh eggs from the chickens, bread and some sort of porridge. There I had met Haley & her boyfriend Gian, from Pennsylvania, for the first time, both in their 20’s, educated and eager to make a difference in this world. The breakfast conversation usually turned into a sort of political discussions, and I could gather a feeling of hopelessness and despair. As European I cannot imagine the hardship the American people go through. Power hanging over them, control, lies over lies, as well as the poisonous food.
But because I am not in their shoes, I was able (I think/ hope) to encourage everyone not to give up, to work from within in order to change the outside, to love rather than to be angry, to forgive and to continue what they were doing – growing their own food, appreciate nature, be kind to each other, help each other and share with each other. LOVE is the answer!
Haley & Gian also had a beautiful cat called Viktor.
Because of the snow we were not able to do any major work, so I was introduced to the chickens and the goats. There is a female and a male rescue goat, generally very docile but sometimes, especially the female one would test her horns on Wwoofers.
The rest of the day I did a hike direction to the mountain while consciously connecting to nature. On my way, a Mountain Bluebird followed me. His blue feather dress could not have been ignored, and he seemed to make a point of showing it to me. At about 4pm it got really cold and I had to make my way back to the farm. A dog turned up, wagging his tail and full of joy to see me. He followed me all the way back to the farm. When we arrived at the entrance I stroke him, thanked him and he left.
The rest of the evening I would spend reading or drawing. I was so happy to be away from the city, from the people and from the noise. The farm was so quiet and peaceful. The sky so magnificent while the coyotes would sing their song.
My hut was small but comfy and most importantly insulated. At night the temperature would fall below 0 but I wasn’t feeling cold at all. I had the great blessing that I didn’t have to share the small hut, as it would have been uncomfortably crowded.
On the next day, Eric showed us what we were meant to do as soon as the snow would melt. He gave us a tour of the farm while showing us which wood needed to be put into piles.
Haley and I were assigned to clear out the chicken coup, removing valuable soil for fertilising. We did a very good job and thought of continuing with the goat enclosure. But the goats had a different idea; they thought we come to play so they used their horns to play. So our mission needed to be aborted and we help Gian with the wood.
That was the moment of truth – I first felt my age. The sun was hot, the air dry and the wood heavy. I was super unfit (which was very embarrassing). Trying to keep up with the youngsters was a challenge to say the least.
After a delightful lunch of beans, listening to Eric’s stories about his journalist time in Vietnam I sat outside my hut and played two songs on my drum. Eric pointed out, that people come to the farm to have quietness and that I was not allowed to play the drum – fair enough.
So I took my car and went off to discover Taos town. Curious to meet some Natives (I know so cliché) I ended up in the only Native American shop in town which sells peace pipes, CDs and drums. Humbled I asked to be allowed to play on one of the drums, and the drum played her song through me.
On the next day we finally managed to do some more work as the snow was gone. I loved the work even thou it was hard work. The altitude, the strong sun and the heat while working with the land can be a challenge. But I realised I had two options: Either throw a tantrum, telling myself I am too old & unfit or just simple find my base and get on with it. Sure enough the latter did the job and I could hear Eric’s lunch bells ringing.
In the afternoon, I had decided to visit Taos Pueblo, to find out if I could meet anyone hosting a ceremony on the weekend or the weekend after. I took my drum and off I went.
First I had left my drum in the car, but after a five minutes’ walk, I felt I needed the drum to guide me and to be present with me. After fetching my drum I felt far more secure walking around the Pueblo. The vibe there is (this is my personal experience) slightly depressing. Tourist arriving and walking around – how would you feel if people would take pictures of your home? How would you feel if you home is only to exist in order to be open for tourists? How would you feel if you had no human rights, but to serve tourists with native art? How would you feel, if your tribe was almost extinct and a couple of houses are left just to prove it existence? It seems a strong sense of segregation is overshadowing the Pueblo.
With my drum on my back I asked someone if he would know anyone within the Native American Church and I was directed to go and see the wise Lady called Marie. When I entered her hut I had a sensation of feeling guilty for being white, ashamed about the atrocity which had and still is happening to the Native American people. But she was kind, open and very welcoming. She saw my drum and played a song with it. And I played a song for Marie. She gave me two telephone numbers (which didn’t work as it turned out later) and we hugged deeply on my departure.
Then I gave my offering of tobacco and corn meal to the trees and river, sat down and played the drum – until security asked me to stop. (Ups I did it again…)
Back at the farm I chatted a bit with the others, fed the goats with which I was more and more building a loving relationship of mutual understanding. Every time I would feed them, I would give them a cuddle and talk to them in Portuguese (somehow animals understand you better when you talk to them in Portuguese). Farm work can be a bit physical demanding, but highly rewarding work. Satisfied with the work done, I felt asleep.
On the next day (it was Friday) I had given up my hope to be able to attend a ceremony. But then out of the blue I received an e-mail telling me that a guy called Jimmy is holding a ceremony (or meeting as its also called) in honor to his grandson’s birthday. Attached were ‘instructions’. I was meant to wear a skirt, use a scarf to cover my shoulders and take my turkey feathers with me. Also it is appropriate to bring a present.
OMG! OMG! I straight called the number provided to me and an elderly male voice took my call. It was kind, warm and reassuring. I arranged the time and took the address – Route 111, when you see the tepee you have arrived. Simple?!
The whole previous week I was taking Osha, which absolutely helped me with my breathing – but the real benefits were still to be revealed.
In the morning I had to work on the field with the hoe. It was a very sunny day; I was fighting my inner demons while being proud to actually have accomplished the task. At about lunch time Evan turned up on the scene to join the Wwoofer team.
Evan, from Louisiana, is in also in his late 20s. I didn’t expect to hang out with him at all; after all there was an age gap. Let’s be honest, I could have been the super young & cool mum. Even thou I don’t feel and certainly don’t behave my age.
On that evening we all came together to have a fire and Evan seriously impressed me by how quick he had lit the fire. He used one match and the fire was going right on – seriously blew my mind.
On the next day I hit the road, firstly to buy me a skirt, a super cool second hand Levis Jean and some presents to bring. It was arranged for me to arrive at about 6pm. I tried to put ‘Route 111’ into the GPS, but it couldn’t find it. Before I checked Google map, but then I failed to have any internet. In the second hand shop I asked for directions, which I then failed to understand. I only knew I had to get onto Route 64 and then I will somehow get to Route 111 via Route 285.
On the road there was nothing else despite the magnificent view of land.
A massive wide, long road in the middle of the desert surrounded by mountains. No house and no sign of human existence anywhere.
I love driving in the USA- it is such a great feeling of freedom, space, and liberty. But also it can be scary if you think about it – if your car breaks down there is nothing and no one to help you. In some area you don’t even have mobile phone reception.
I looked up the sky, ravens flying above me. I wasn’t scared – I loved it! I loved the freedom, I loved the music in my car, I loved the view, I loved the fact I will be in a ceremony, I simple loved to be alive, to be able to be where I was in that moment I was where I was.
When I was at the crossing of Route 64 with Route 285 I called my host to obtain some more directions. I was told to go along Route 285 for about 20 miles and the first on my right will be Route 111.
So I drove – vast land, amazing view, and the ravens above me. After about 20 miles and having passed by only one house, I stopped at the first left to call my host again. ‘Where are you?’ – ‘Between Route 285 and Route something.’ ‘I have no idea where you are, if you have passed Ojo Caliente, you went too far.’
The connection was bad, so I had to leave it like this. I hadn’t passed Ojo Caliente, so I decided to drive on. The road appeared endless, and I started to become nervous. So I spoke to the universe: ’Really?! I got that far – please help me.’ In that moment (without a word of a lie) – a raven flew in circles of a specific crossing – here it was Route 111.
I followed the Route until I saw a majestic Tepee- I had arrived. Before I left the car I said my thanks to the raven and the universe, took a deep breath and soon enough was welcomed by the women of the house as well as by Jimmy. His wife gave me a big hug- “you found us – in the middle of nowhere, you are meant to be here! This is sacred – it cannot get more sacred than this.”
I was offered a tasty lovely chicken soup before the ceremony. They told me it will be all night so better eat something before.
Already the elders were gathering when I was brought into the Tepee. There were four Native American tribal chiefs with their family, neighbors (elders) and the birthday boy with his parents. I was allocated a place and I felt utterly insecure, humbled but also so so so grateful that I was allowed to be there, with them. When I found out it would be a ceremony within a family I felt absolutely save, protected and assured.
‘Have you ever taken part in a meeting?’ – ‘No it’s my first time’. – ‘No worries we will take good care of you’.
In the middle of the circle was a fire burning. Small pieces of wood were put upright while the flame was slowly growing.
One man (he was responsible for the fire all night) brought in a couple of larger wooden posts and laid them systematically into the flames, turning, playing and owning the flame. The relationship between this young man, who turned out to be the father of the birthday boy, and the fire was an art, a ceremony, a spectacle, a beauty, an amazing experience itself. He would move the wood gently and precise in order to created a symmetrical glow within the half circle – representing the altar.
One of the elderly built a drum within 15 min. He had the wet hide, a sort of deeper wooden bowl, some marbles and boom – the drum was built. This absolutely fascinated me. I have a love for drums, just recently learned to build my own drum – BUT this was magic!
More and more family members entered, gathering around the circle and the fire. On the top of the circle were the four wise tribal chiefs, one of them had fought for/at Standing Rock.
After the last person had entered, Jimmy opened up the ceremony by welcoming everyone as well as explaining the reason for the meeting. The precise reasons of this ceremony revealed themselves to me slowly and throughout the ceremony.
In a nutshell – The birthday boy’s mother ran off with the children, leaving the father and his community behind. Her children suffered through this separation and as the boy was turning seven, he asked his mother to have a meeting, to heal the wounds and to ask to be accepted back into the community. And so she did.
The meeting started with a prayer. Thanking mother earth, praying for the water, thanking father heaven, thanking your family, asking for guidance, support, health… We all had to roll a cigarette with tobacco in a corn leaf and smoke it while praying. You only were allowed to light this cigarette once – well mine went out pretty quick. Soon after a rattle and the drum was passed around. There were always two different (mainly men & one woman) elders playing together. The rattle starts, the drum enhanced with the beat. The person with the rattle starts to sing in a Native language joined by the drummer’s voice and some other elders.
Before and after the prayer, cleansing cedar wood was thrown into the fire which slowly grew in intensity. The fire increased its magnitude and power. Everyone took out their feathers.
Now I finally understood the real meaning behind the three magical words: “Osha Ohr Sat.”
The intensity of the fire in combination with the cleansing smoke and the enchanting sound at time felt overwhelming. The feathers were a ‘life saving’ fan, while my Osha cleaned lungs were able to breathe in the this magnificent experience. Osha enabled me to breath even deeper and to fully open up to the upcoming revelations.
My first revelation was very clear – a hawk flying over a little farmer’s house in Austria. I accepted and thanked for this information and guidance.
The man responsible for the fire put more wood on, moved it gently, turned the already burning wood and a wave of heat came over me. Its intensity was so powerful, but with the feathers and breathing I managed to take it while all of a sudden I very strongly felt the presence of my friend Bernhard. He communicated with me, explained why he had left and stating he was happy now, no more pain, no more worries. He apologized for leaving but he needed to go and he wanted to be with me here in New Mexico.
It was so overwhelming that floods of tears just run down my face – so much so I struggled to keep it together.
The people in the circle saw my struggling and advised me to bow down to the ground in order to connect with mother earth. So I did.
The moment I had touched the ground, I felt Mother Earth, I felt her so strong, intense and powerful. I felt her pain, her suffering, her destruction but also her unconditional strong love, her care, her compassion and forgiveness. And then I saw a bomb falling onto her, a massive mushroom filling the horizon.
More tears as the pain was unexplainable. I just wanted to dive into the energy of Mother Earth, merge with her, help her, love her dearly and most of all save and protect her.
At the same time, the mother who had left her children’s father and the community, made her plead. She was very sincere, open, honest and very very very profoundly sorry. She also told about how the children in our time are poison by the system, more children than ever are born disabled or getting mentally sick in their later childhood. Her plead was real, she wanted back, she knew what she did wrong and wanted to put it all right. While she was presenting her plead, you could see the pain in the children’s father face. He was attending the fire and the light of the flames fully brought forward his pain, his disappointment, his embarrassment, his anger and his profound sadness. I felt them both. Her plead so resonated with my personal life, as I, after a 20year exile, would like to return to my tribe, to my country and to the land of my ancestors. I understood them both and just wanted to hug them.
The tribal chiefs, every one of them, added comments to her plead. Also strongly mentioning the increasingly destruction of Mother Earth, the poisoned water and the sickness affecting our children today.
Listening to all the words I fully felt their meanings. I felt the pain, the sadness, but also the great love within the community. I felt the urge to speak up. I opened my mouth, but because of my insecurity and shyness my voice stumbled, broken words came out my mouth and I took a deep breath and cleared my voice: “You all, I thank you for allowing me to be part of your circle. I feel honoured; I bow before you. I respect you, I feel humbled in your present. I felt the pain of mother earth, I hear your determination to save the sacred water and I feel your great love for this family as well as for mother earth with all its inhabitants. Whatever this mother, woman and wife might have done, your love is bigger, your love is light and you all will overcome this pain through your profound love. Lots of work needs to be done, healing needs to continue, Mother Earth needs you more than ever, and there is no time for anger, disappointment or judgement. I beg you listen to your heart, listen to your love, listen to the light and guide this family back together. I beg you never give up hope. Harshness, destruction and lots of pain are awaiting us all. But I strongly believe that Love is the only way to heal. Love and light will win against the rising darkness. Have hope and let’s work together. Let’s keep the love and compassion in our heart, no matter what obstacles are along the way. The darkness is scared of the light, so it attacks the light – Let’s be the light filling the darkness with love. I truly respect you wise people, who have been working with Mother Earth since human existence. I thank you from the bottom of my heart; I thank you for your work, for your prayers, for your forgiveness, for your compassion and for your great teachings. Please do not give up now as we human as well as Mother Earth need your prayers, your love, your kindness and wisdom more than ever. I thank you”
The wise men thanked me for my words and the drumming, praying and singing continued. Far more revelations came up throughout the night, far more emotional moments occurred; far more words came out of my mouth full of gratitude, respect and truly from the bottom of my heart. In the late morning hours the ceremony was getting to a close. Thanks were said to the family, to the mother, to the father and to the tribal chiefs. I could feel my attention seeking ego coming up and I felt ashamed. One of the elder’s wives complimented me in the end; acknowledge that I was meant to be her. I thanked her for her kind words and assured her: ’A raven was showing me the way’.
I needed to get to my car in order to give the wise men a little present from my medicine bag. I had this special Frankincense I had purchased from a Shaman lady in Austria. It is powerfully strong and very healing. As I left the tepee a swarm of starlings were sitting on the tree singing ‘Good Morning’ to me. They were not scared, and when I said: ‘Bom dia criancas – tudo bom? Que bom dia nao eh?! (Good morning children, are you ok? What a good morning it is, isn’t it) – the birds replied with their beautiful singing.
Coming back from my car, my feet felt a bit wobbly as well as I felt a bit spaced out. After all we were sitting in the tepee all night and it was rather intense. So I went up to the tribal chiefs, especially Jimmy who invited me, giving a bag of the Frankincense. I was told to wave it over the fire to cleanse and as I was doing it I almost stumbled over the altar. I apologized saying ‘I am a clumsy fool’.
Afterwards the birthday celebration for the boy started, a feast was prepared. Outside the tepee I started a conversation with the grandson of the tribe chief who was at Standing Rock. The boy was about 17 years old and hiding under his hoodie during the entire ceremony. During the conversation it came out, that the system was basically telling him he wasn’t normal as he wouldn’t fit into the created ‘normal’ box. ‘Dude, you are so normal, that they had to come up with something. You are light, you are special you are YOU. Love yourself, be yourself and stop caring about others. Your beauty, your individual great energy will never fit into a box, you are too great, you are too special, and you are too awesomely good. Forget the system, don’t ask them. Stay with the Native way, follow their path and you will be fine. You are NORMAL. Those who are destroying our planet, those who are bombing and sucking out our living life – those are the mental, insane and inhuman creature – yes they are not humans they are reptiles. That why they don’t show human emotions. They feed from your fear – don’t fear – love. They are cold blooded so they don’t understand the concept of love & light. BUT you do. YOU are the NORMAL one.’
I told him some stories of my life, as I know how it feels to be labelled as ‘insane, depressed or otherwise mental’. It takes strength, support and determination to break free from these chains of self- misconception. BUT it is possible. He thanked me: ‘You are the first person telling me this. Thank you and I believe you. Thank you.’
Afterwards, I had a deeper conversation with the tribal chief who was at Standing Rock. He told me that he is proud of the young Americans – white & native- as it was them standing in the front line, receiving the bullets. He agreed that love is the only way, even thou it can be a huge challenge especially when you have a gun on your head – BUT YEAH there is no other way. I bowed before him: “I bow before you; I respect you and am humbled in your presence as I know that I know nothing. Your people have been praying for us since the early beginnings. And I thank you for not judging me for being white. I apologize for all the atrocity done to your people and again thank you so much for not judging me for my color of my skin. I admire you for being beyond skin color, for seeing people as they really are as you know I did not do anyone harm, as you know that there a many of us fighting for the good cause and wanting to save Mother Earth”
I introduced him to my drum ‘Janise’ (I love my drum so much), he played her, I played her – we hugged. – ‘Make sure I hear the beat of your drum’. ‘Oh you can be assured of it – she will always be playing!’
Before I hit the road I also had a longer conversation and a smoke with the younger male crowd. We chatted about the difficulties they have to face on a daily basis. How they have to work with the land in order to be able to survive while having to fight corrupted companies, which poison the water and the land. How they have learned to live with the wild animals and follow their guidance. It was made very clear to me, that living in New Mexico or in the USA is simple very hard, no matter how beautiful the country might be. I was invited to stay longer, but I had a longer way back as well as farm work to do on the next day. I thanked everyone, hugged the mother as well as later the father who was dealing with the fire. I admired his work and gave him a massive hug.
The drive back to the farm was just amazing. The view, the guidance and all the sacred energy around me.
At the farm, I straight went to my hut and had a nap. I had some intense dreams as all of a sudden Haley was knocking on my door. ‘Have you seen Viktor (the cat), he has been missing?!’ – ‘No, sorry I haven’t been around.’ Viktor the cat had disappeared. I tried to contact some spirits to find him, to protect him and to bring him back, but unfortunately I wasn’t allowed to do anything. Cats are very spiritual creatures and I had so many cats in my life – at one point 10 at the same times. Cats are helping us to transform something. If they leave us, they have transformed something for us. I sent out prayers and blessings for Viktor, to guide and protect him on his path.
As by now I had woken up again, I decided to make myself some coffee where I met Evan was sitting in the open kitchen (there were no walls or anything, just a roof with a cooker and some terrace area), playing his guitar. I made some coffee for both of us and he was curious about my ‘Birthday party’. I felt I could trust him, so I confide in him that it wasn’t a birthday party as per se. It was really good to be able to share my experience as it was clear that Evan is far ahead for his age. We talked a bit more and it turned out that not only was Evan an experienced farmer, but also had a degree in Physics and engineering. In addition, he has been living in Taos for the last 6 months and told me all about his experience. Unlike me, who wears her heart on her sleeve, Evan seems to be more introverted which makes him even more interesting.
On my way back to my hut, I met Haley and gave her a big hug as she was rather upset due to the loss of her cat.
The next day arrived and Evan showed us all how to ‘dress’ proper while working on a farm in the middle of the desert – cover up! I still felt tired while buzzing from the weekend and the sun seemed to be unusually strong. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the work I was doing and soon enough it was lunch time again. Throughout the last days, the goats were screaming at me a lot, so much so, that I had decided to let them out for grassing at the nearby area. They were absolutely delighted. It was the first time we truly bonded. I felt sorry for them, as in my fantasy, goats should be able to walk a lot. In my fantasy I see goat herds walking in mountains while you have the shepherd guiding them. I believe their intimidating behaviour of using their horns towards everyone, is linked to the lack of exercise. It appeared that their daily highlight was their breakfast and dinner. You could tell they were pleased to get out a bit. After this I asked Eric if we could not let them out during the morning, so they can grass while we were working. He was delighted about the idea, and the goats were able to go out two more times – until they had found a hole in the fence and ended up in the greenhouse eating the freshly planted salad.
In the meantime, I also got to know Julia, a girl from Washington who rented a hut while she was doing the course on ‘How to build an Earth- ship.’ We got on well from day one and arranged to go and see some Native American dancer ceremony on Easter Sunday to come.
I am not sure if it was Tuesday or Wednesday (somehow I lost a day…) when I gave Evan a ride into Taos town for him to attend an important appointment. While he was doing what he needed to do I went to the toilet at the supermarket next door. On my way out I met one of the elder’s ladies, who helped conducting the Native American Ceremony. We hugged and I thanked her over and over again for the honor of me being able to attend this magnificent event.
Evan was ready to go and we hit the road. By the traffic light a guy was begging for money. Evan, without any hesitation, pulled out a dollar and gave it to the man. Honestly – RESPECT! Let’s be honest who would have done this? Exactly! Until today I bow before him. We all struggle financially, but that didn’t stop Evan to help someone who was even worse off than most. I truly was impressed by his action and follow his example, by now helping more homeless people here in London. After we did our food shopping Evan came up with the idea of instead going back to the farm to take a ride to the next village – Questa. There was a national monument – ‘The gorge’.
‘What is the Gorge?’ Evan just laughed – ‘I guess you just have to see the gorge in order to know what the gorge is!’
And what a mind-blowing, amazing, powerful and beautiful experience it was. In front of us was the gorge of the Rio Grande. Boy words cannot describe what we saw. Behind us the magnificent mountains, the desert and in front of us the gorge. ‘This is the real wild wild west! This is where the Natives fought against the cowboys’ Evan told me while walking to the furthest edge of the gorge. I sat down a bit away from the cliff, enjoying the view and taking in the power, the beauty and the greatness of Mother Nature. ‘This is for you Bernhard.’
As the weather seemed to be turning, Evan warned me to get a move on. After all you don’t want to be caught up in rain on a dirt road in the middle of the desert. As we rushed back to the car, Evan picked up the rubbish (YES he did!), which was left by others on the way. Again, I had to bow before him. I was so impressed by his caring & concerning attitude towards people and the environment. I honestly haven’t met many people in my life, who are so attentive to their surroundings. RESPECT Dude!
In the evening our Wwoofer team was joined by two more Wwoofer – Evelyn and Max. They were already on the road for a while together. Both are also in their 20’s and eager to make the world a better place by going organic.
On the next day, on the road to ‘Taos Cows’, the town’s most famous ice cream shop, Evan asked: ‘Have you heard about the bomb?’ ‘What bomb?’ ‘Trump threw the mother of all bombs into Afghanistan.’
I could not believe what I was hearing. WTFF!! REALLY?! – The images I had during my Native American ceremony flashed back into my mind and so did the strong sensation of Mother Earth’s pain. Tears were dwelling up my eyes, and it all made me utterly sad. Evan, observing my change of mood, swiftly changed the subject in order to save the day.
As the Ice cream shop was closed, Evan suggested we drive a bit further to the waterfall. So we did. What a delight! There were massive old trees, caves and we were able to go behind the waterfall, where, to our surprise we met two of Evan’s friends. A girl in Evan’s age and a medicine man from Peru. We decided to walk a bit higher up, and as I had started to smoke again (I know, I know and there is not even a ‘but’ anymore) I utterly struggled with my breath. In that moment the medicine man (sorry I am terrible in remembering names) gave me some pine from the tree to breath/ inhale, and sure enough I was able to fully breathe again. And BOY was I happy to have gone up that mountain – what a view – Oh my god!!!! What an amazing view. Mind bubbling, intense while the sky showcased the united colors of sunset.
In the evening we would have some dinner together and then I went into my hut to continue reading my book: “Journey to the Fifth World through 2012” from Michele Ama Wehali. There I had reached a passage, a ‘statement’ which was kind of referring to the world situation now and just felt reassuring, comforting and encouraging.
On the next day at the breakfast table I quoted: ‘My teacher wanted to give up many times in her life, but then she met this Maya elderly who told her: “Difficult times are ahead and that the people of consciousness in North America would be needed to turn the tide from the direction of destruction. A country that was causing the most destruction, there would also be a chance for the biggest turn around, with much spiritual energy made available for the greatest evolution. It is time to turn the tide.”
Everyone on the table just seemed to have taken in the words, I wasn’t sure if I came across as a preacher or not, but I was/ am confident, that if anyone can change the world it will those younger generation. Every one of them gave me hope, confident and assurance, that the battle is long not lost, that the tide can be turned and that the USA can reverse the damage caused. Like the elderly Native American, I truly believe in the young Americans, as they are aware of the lies, the deceptions and the bullshit going on around the globe. I am proud of this generation; I respect them as they know so much more than we did. As they have learned from our mistakes and are working on making amends.
Throughout the week Evan was promoting a free live music event at the Taos Brewery in the middle of the Mesa. So we all headed out on Friday evening. On the way there Evan and I stopped at the ‘Rio Grande Gorge Bridge’, which is just super impressive. Nature at it strongest, finest and miraculous beauty.
We took some photos, passed the police and drove to the Brewery.
There we met Ali and Julia. Julia was there with her colleagues from the Earth ship course. And Ali came by herself as Aaron didn’t feel like coming. That was the first time I got to have a deeper conversation with Ali – what a funny girl. I love her directness, her honesty and her slight out- spoke attitude.
We danced a bit when the others arrived- Haley & Gian, then Evelyn and Max.
I shared a little green with one of the guests at the venue. After all, it has been ages I had smoked anything like it, and I only needed two buffs literally. I then walked off a bit to take in the amazing landscape of desert with mountains.
While I watching the slow sunset, Evelyn approached me, gave me a gentle hug and said: ‘I really loved what you said this morning. I fulfilled me with hope and inspirations. I want to thank you.’ ‘Oh my god, you were actually listening. I thought I was ‘preaching’ again. Thank you thank you for listening.’
It really touched me to the core how much she cared, how much she was really interested in my life stories, how much she listened to my little advises. And I just could tell her the truth: ‘You are great, you are special, and you are on the right path. You are working with Mother Earth, you are fully appreciating her, you love her and you know the importance of the sacred water. There will be challenges ahead, but your good heart will overcome it all’
We stood together arm in arm watching this unbelievable magnificent sunset. Tears were running down my cheeks, as I was overwhelmed by the beauty and by the fact that I, Gudrun Christine Fritz, was allowed to experience such amazing moments here in New Mexico, with all the greatness, kindness and love. I cried because I felt so humbled, so honored and so so grateful for allowing me to be here right and now. I also felt Mother Earth so strong again, presenting her beauty and power to me. I thanked the sun, I thanked Mother Earth, I thanked the people and I thanked Evelyn for sharing this unique moment in my life with me.
I then smoke a cigarette when Max approached me asking for one. We stood there, smoking and chatting. He also thanked me for my words this morning, told me about his life and that he is in transition to totally change. ‘You have done your first step – trust me there is no way back. Trust your heart, follow your guts and you will be guided.’
I could feel he knew there was only going forward, there was only working with Mother Earth, there was only the option of a simple, honest and real life, protecting and working with the environment. There was simple no other way anymore. We gave each other a supportive hug.
Having spoken to Evelyn and Max just reconfirmed my hope, my inspiration and my eagerness to continue to say what needs to be said – THANK YOU GUYS!
As everyone was getting more and drunk, Evan and I decided to hit the road back to the farm. We also wanted to get some rest, as we were planning to go for a hike the next morning. The night was pitching black. I still could slightly feel the effects of the two buffs, so I was a bit paranoid. Parked out of the parking lot, I asked the universe to guide and protect me – sure enough a car turned up in front of me – ‘Follow the car, simple!’ ‘Thank you universe, thank you!’
I love driving in the USA, but this evening I was a bit unsettled, purely as it was so dark. I was driving slower than allowed, so I also got worried that police might get suspicions and stop us, for driving too slow (you see that all the time on TV). Telling Evan about my fears, he made sure I drive safe and helped me with the direction. It was so so dark, it was something else. Of course we made it back safe, with no police.
As working on a farm is always rewarding but also physically demanding, Evan took me to the natural hot spring instead of a long hike (for which I am ever so grateful). We were alone when we arrived. Evan went straight in expressing his delight of being in the beautiful warm water. I, on the other hand, struggled with ‘Body image issues’ and was too shy to go in. Eventually I had to just say it and Evan gently assured that there was nothing wrong, which convinced me to join him in the water.
While we enjoyed the warm water a little chipmunk was curiously ‘going through’ my bag. The cutes thing ever.
The time we left, the Hot Sprint started to get slightly crowded.
Back on the farm, we caught up with the rest of the team, ate dinner and I collapsed into my bed. I haven’t slept so well and deep in a long time.
Easter Sunday arrived. Julia and I got ready to hit the road to the Picuris Pueblo, which is located slightly outside of Taos. The people of this Pueblo are well known for their great care for Buffalo. On the way there we picked up Julia’s friend.
We arrived just in time when the magical dances started. Quietly we sat down, watching. Listening and taking it all in. Amazing work with all generations involved – from the elderly to the youngest. As the dances finished, we took a stroll to meet the sacred Buffalo. What wonderful and powerful, yet calm creatures.
The road trip was again enhanced by the enchanting view of vast land and high mountains.
Back on the farm I had decided to cook ‘Kichadi’ for dinner for everyone – the Wwoofers, Aaron & Ali, Julia and I also had invited Eric & Elizabeth, the owners of the farm. And everyone came, we were all together – it was great! Afterward, we decided to make a fire and Ali suggested to bring my drum. I was reluctant as I already was told by Eric & Elizabeth not to play the drum, but Ali confirmed there were no tenants – so really just us.
I brought some of my frankincense and my rattle which I gave Julia to play. It turned out that Julia also has experienced the shamanic path.
The fire was lit, and we all sat around the fire. I started to play the drum, Julia joined in and it was a rather peaceful atmosphere. I had invited the animal spirits, the spirits of the land, the ancestors and all grand fathers & mothers, to join us for this gathering, to protect, guide and help everyone around the fire. Julia joined in with rattle and voice and I honestly believe we had some good, positive, warm, encouraging and supportive vibe going for everyone. On Gian’s request we played a song for Viktor the cat and shortly after I took out the frankincense in order to create a little ceremony. The idea was to take out a bit of frankincense from the plastic bag, thank the universe for being alive, well and here, thank yourself for being the wonderful and great light being everyone is and finally blow everything you want to get rid off in your life into the frankincense while throwing it into the fire. Julia was playing the rattle while I was drumming. We both sang simultaneously ‘away, away’ while the frankincense made it circle. As everyone had his turn I passed around the drum for everyone could play a song. Again, I asked all spirits to look after their children, their light warriors, after those beautiful people in this circle, to protect them from hunger, war, cold and hate, to guide them to the light as those are the ones eager to help mother earth.
It was peaceful, we all sat in harmony, in love and surrounded by light. But it was getting late and we decided to play the last song before closing down. I asked the spirits to bless everyone in the circle, closed my eyes while I could feel stars falling down. ALL of a sudden, like a mad barking Rottweiler, Eric stormed in from the middle of the dark shouting: ‘I warned you!!! I told you, that you are not allowed to play the drum!!! The fire is over – EVERYONE go home – Never play the drum ever again. There was a complain!!!! Blahblahblahblahbalhblahblah…!!!’
BOOM, it all crashed and the vibe on the farm had changed forever! The lovely welcoming kind supportive feeling of working on an organic farm let by two ‘hippies’ was vanished – the true colour had been revealed. Don’t take me wrong, there are ways to communicate certain matters, he could have just come up: ‘Guys, it’s 10pm, we had a complain please stop. – G I told you once before…’
There was certainly no need to explode like he did. On the next morning at the breakfast table he gave us (or more me) another lecture explaining that the neighbor complained.
I didn’t say anything towards his hypocrite – one person complained -eight people very having a good, chilled and meaningful time. But of course, that one person was a paying customer, so he gets all the rights- we were just the working class people. My idea of democracy is another, but I guess democracy really is just a fancy word even in a small community.
Luckily, I had the opportunity to explain myself directly to Eric later that morning. ‘Eric, can I have a minute please. I just would like to apologize for any inconvenient caused yesterday, BUT this fire was something which had to happen. Sometimes we need to do thing even if we break ‘rules’ and disturb ONE person for a few minutes. This was a one in a life time opportunity – is not like I would be drumming every day, or even every month. It was a one in a life time moment. It was our last song anyway when you had arrived. I am 43 years old, I am not going out of my way to cause troubles, but this session was meant to be. I just had to do it. Now one person complained eight people were happy – you do the math. I honestly was a bit concerned you would kick me out.’ ‘Thank you for bringing this up. I honestly was reluctant to go down there, I really was. No I would never kick anyone out. No worries – no bad feelings.’
In the afternoon, Evan, Evelyn, Max and I hit the road to Colorado, which is just an hour drive away. Evan had been on about it all week and finally convinced me to go. My concern was, that the car rental company would charge me extra to go to another state – ‘How would they find out?’ (I ended up getting some money back from Hertz).
So I made sure, that I would not use and GPS in order for them not to have any record of the state crossing. Again, what a great Evan idea it was. The drive was so amazing, great view, vast land, mountains and impressive rock formations. We ended up in a ghost town just shortly after the crossing with a church on top of a hill. And the view just got better and better the further we walked up the hill.
In the evening I had a chat with Julia, who told me she was leaving the farm. She was horrified by Eric’s outburst, had nightmares and saw the situation as a sign to move on. She was leaving without telling Eric as she didn’t want any further confrontations. We recaptured the event over and over again. Yes it was his right to tell us to stop, yes we have to respect others. BUT no! The way, the level of aggression and anger was not justifying as we had a very peaceful gathering. Julia herself paid for the hut, so theoretically she has the same rights as the person who was complaining. Talking about rights- do those who work have no rights?! What are we – modern ‘slaves’, youth people just to work for a plate of beans (yes every other day we would get beans & tacos to eat- nice, delicious and all, but hey it cost $1 to buy a bag of beans- let’s be real & honest here), and ‘worship’ the farm owner.
It really saddened me to see her leave. Of course we exchanged our contact details and I am pleased to say we are still in regular contact. Julia has this very special, soft, kind, loving and supportive energy; I could hug her all day (love yah babes).
Tuesday evening arrived as Eric & Elizabeth had organized a farewell party for me (I was due to leave on Thursday), which I thought was really nice. I bought some white roses as a thank you and we all gathered together, eating lovely chicken wings, salad and rice. And for desert fruit salad, which everyone served them on the same plate as the main dish. – Fascinating.
After the gathering, Evelyn, Max and I went for a walk to enjoy the stars – what a sky seriously – unending stars sparkling from afar. We first walked in one direction and then decided to walk to the other direction, as all of a sudden the neighbor let out his three rather aggressive dogs, put on a massive flashlight and also was holding a torch directed at us. Man, we were walking on a public road and we were treated like ‘escaped’ prisoner hunted down by dogs and flash lights. This seriously made us freak out and we decided to walk back to the farm followed by massive flash light, dog barking and the guy with his torch. Now I had a complete picture of the farm and its neighbors. WOW. I mean the first week I thought that is was like this lovely hippie place where young and old can enjoy the experience of living off grid. A place where people can work with the land in peace and learn how be more self sustainable. BUT it was the wild Wild West, where people seemed to be so traumatized that aggression is their last option. Really sad actually.
The next day was my final working day at the farm and I asked Eric if I could have one wish – if I could take the goats for a final walk. My wish was granted with pleasure. I finished what I had started the day before and off I went to get the goats. The female goat, who is usually eager to test her horns on Wwoofers, would press herself against my foot, as she would express herself saying: ‘I love to go out mummy, but don’t leave me’. The male one took the lead and sometimes, I had to convince him to go further. As the sun was getting hotter, I took them to the creek nearby. They didn’t really know how to drink water in the wild, so I demonstrated to them how to do it. After three or four attempts both felt confident enough to drink in the wild. It was also interesting to observe that they wouldn’t eat any grass. They only ate some of the dry stuff, leaves from the trees and very juicy grass. It was the most peaceful ending I could have imagined.
In the late afternoon, Evan, Aaron and I were joined by Paul in Taos, as we met up for a final afternoon together. Evan took us all to the Neem Karoli Baba Ashram, where you can have a free lunch during the weekend. We enjoyed some Chai tea and peaceful energy.
Paul and I hugged good bye and hopefully we meet again soon. Even though we didn’t see each other much, I am grateful until today, as because of him I came to New Mexico, I came back to the USA.
On our way back to the farm, we were blessed with another amazing sunset and view. Nevertheless, Evan was feeling downbeat as Eric had been picking on him for the last few days and Evan felt threatened to get kicked out. (And trust me, there was no reason – I was there – there was no reason whatsoever). He exclaimed that life in New Mexico is hard, that people have to either work for free or pay a fortune for any training (such as Earth ships). Aaron and I were just listening, taking it all in. Internally I was getting furious and mega disappointed with Eric.
Arriving at the farm, I felt very sad, for the person who showed me such a magic time, sad for of the injustice happening right in front of my nose, sad for my dear friend, a person who truly impressed me for being such a truth person in so many ways, a person I truly respect and adore for so many significant reasons, had to go through such a rough patch right now.
I remembered, when I was in his age, I moved to Brazil and was kicked out in Sao Paulo by a ‘friend’. Even before, I had been in a few occasions in Austria and London, when I had been asked to leave a place. I simple knew what Evan was going through. I could feel the pain, the worries as well as the anxiety. Obviously I offered Evan to come with me to Santa Fe, and then take it from there. But I guess he wanted to try his own way, sort out his own life, and I had to respect it – as determent I tried to convince him – he refused.
I was leaving to Santa Fe the next day where I had organized another appointment with Michele.
I had booked a more central based AirBnb for the final days, which was slightly cheaper than the others, as well as I could use a bike. But I was one night without a place and Jane let me stay with her for that night for free, which was absolutely awesome.
Thursday morning arrived, I was ready to go. Evan helped me with checking the oil of the car and I once more offered him a ride, but he refused. On the road I took some more pictures of the great landscape and arrived at Michele’s on the dot. During our final session it was revealed very clear, that my next step is to move to Austria. BUT it was also very obvious for me to come back to the USA. I clearly showed me landing in Austria first and then in the USA. This absolutely cheered me up as there was an end to my London time in near future as well as great hope for me to soon be back to the States. I love the USA, I love its people, I love the landscape and I only had a good time while I had been there. But I also knew I have not legal leg to stand, no working permission as well as I was too aware of the daily struggles of surviving.
In the evening Jane and I went out for a meal and a drink and we just laughed so much – it was real great evening. Back at hers I received an e-mail from Evan telling me, that Eric asked him to leave the farm without explanation or reason. I told Jane about it and without any hesitation she offered Evan a place to stay. I had sent him all her details, and on Sunday he arrived in Santa Fe.
I was super happy to see him one more time. I was super super happy – honestly I think I just glowed. Firstly I was happy to know he was save now, he is in Santa Fe and things were bound to get better. And then when I saw Evan, he was in such a delightful, cheerful and upbeat spirit I initially couldn’t believe it – he totally surprised me (again) in such a amazingly positive way. And – selfishly- I was happy for myself – after all Evan is great company. We took his stuff to the Airbnb I was staying, took the bikes and hit the road to explore Santa Fe. Evan invited me for some really nice food and off we went on the road. I couldn’t care and less which direction we were going, I was the happiest I could be. Evan was riding a mountain bike and boy did he know how to ride that bike – he wasn’t riding it, it more was like a dance, a harmony between the bike and Evan – it was like Lucky Luke’s relationship to Jolly Jumper. The way he was handling the bike was mega enchanting. I was so proud of him and so honored to have met such a special person.
In the evening we went to Jane’s house, had some dinner and a bit of a chat. And my time to go had come – god I hate good byes- I hate the vibe it creates. Anyway, Jane said she will come and see me in London and I hope Evan will come to see me in Austria. Or I will be back next year to the USA. But I hope to meet them both again.
I hugged Jane first and then Evan. During my journey I had received many different types of hugs from different people – caring, reassuring, comforting, to say good bye, loving, friendly or just for the purpose of giving a hug.
Evan’s hug was honestly the most honest, gentle, profound, warm and real hug I have ever received. Of course, I didn’t want to let go, instead I wanted to melt into his arms. ‘G! Let me go!!’
I had to travel from Santa Fe to Denver and from Denver to New York City, where I arrived in the evening. When New York’s amazing night skyline waved me good bye, I knew I soon will be back.
I love the USA, no matter who is on power right now, I love the country and its younger population, as they have given me hope, as they still presenting the USA as the land of opportunities – without capitalism, as they are the generation eager to make the world a better place.
I thank all the great people I had encountered on my recent path who have taught me so much! I thank the universe for letting me know how much I still have to learn & how much I have to accept, let go and grow. I thank all the animal spirits who guided me, showed me the way and gave me all the love. I thank all the nature spirits of their magnificent present, showing me that there is a greater divine power challenging as well feeding & supporting us. I thank the water and wish it stays clean. I thank the trees for their great hugs. I thank for acknowledging that there is a time and place to help and that there moments when I am simple not allowed to help! And I truly deeply hope to meet some of the great souls & spirits again! I love you from the bottom of the universe! Thank you for allowing me to be in your presents! Thank you for all the kindness, guidance and love!
Special Thank You
- My family, my mum and my sister for at least trying to understand me
- Everyone who donated to my cause and made this amazing journey happening in the first place – thank you guys!!!!
- Charlie, for looking after my flat and cat with such love and care – without you it would have been very hard
- Paul, for staying in touch with me over the year which had inspired me to come to New Mexico
- Michele, for teaching me, for enabling me to fully experience the magic and to help me heal so I can help others
- Jane – for her kind chats, for letting me stay for free, for becoming a great friend and most importantly for letting Evan stay when he needed a good safe place to stay
- Jenna – girl you are dope! Make sure you follow your heart! Thanks for great chats, great laughter and the ride to my car
- George- for the roll up and time to chat with me
- The Native American lady at the pueblo for her song
- The Native American family for allowing me to be part at their ceremony, for letting me experience the purest magic, for accepting me the way I am and for the love
- Julia- for the love, trust, care and warmth – hope to see you soon again
- Aaron & Ali for welcoming so warm, great chats, and lovely company – can’t wait to see you guys in London
- Gian & Haley, for being the great part of the team, for making an effort to make world a better place and for being such nice light beings- I wish you both all the best and hope we meet again one day
- Evelyn & Max, for actually listening to me, to trust in me and to be super supportive when I felt down. Let’s hit the road with a caravan next year. I can see you both are being major game changers. Thanks guys!
- The goats- for trusting me, following me and bonding with me
- And of course Evan -thank you for showing me around, thank you for being honest and real, thank you for teaching me so many new things, thank you for your joyful light-hearten attitude, thank you for being this kind, warm, caring, strong and loving personality. Thank you for spending time with me. I truly hope we meet again – minha casa e sua casa! Thank you for being a friend
“Difficult times are ahead and that the people of consciousness in North America would be needed to turn the tide from the direction of destruction. A country that was causing the most destruction, there would also be a chance for the biggest turn around, with much spiritual energy made available for the greatest evolution. It is time to turn the tide.”